Can we live without expectations?
Whose expectations are we supposed to meet? I’m realizing I can’t please everyone, despite my repeated attempts to lose myself in doing so. All the self help books say follow your heart. But trusting my heart has previously proven to be a terrible choice. If my dumb ass heart had any answers, I probably wouldn’t be writing a self help blog. I look around to see who can give me advice and I realize no one has any answers. Like for real, do any of us know what in the actual f**k is going on right now?
On a side note, could I stop living through historical events? If I’m being honest, I didn’t pay enough attention in school, which means I should probably learn history before I have to exist while it is happening. I do recall one particular quote that said something something humans who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And I can remember reading that and thinking nah, that won’t apply to me. Even if I did pay attention, no one is going to be asking me for my opinion (ironic, considering I created an entire platform to blast my opinion all over the internet, in response to requests from absolutely no one - pay attention in school kids, we need people who got hooked on phonics to speak up). But I really did think, all the shit’s already happened, I’m just here for a good time. I absolutely slept through the essay portion of the AP United States History exam. Much to the chagrin of my parents, and in spite of the heroic efforts by my school to tolerate my shenanigans, a nap is probably an accurate portrayal of how much I learned that semester.
So how do we know if we’re doing the right thing? Is there even a right thing? What if right is subjective. I had a conversation the other night with someone who told me a story about an ex-partner evolving and becoming a different person, which ended up hurting him. I was shaken for a moment because my initial instinct was to say that both narratives are right to that person. But is that true? Where does that end? Is my ex’s narrative true? A more evolved human would probably say yes, but I just can’t see any discernible truth in the cruelty he inflicted.
Then there’s the issue of selfishness. If I decide to say toodles to everyone’s expectations except for my own, does that make me selfish or absorbed with myself? They say never settle for less than your worth, but how do you do that if you have no idea what, if any, your worth is? How do we even measure that? Like am I worth 2 donkeys and a cigar? On a good day. But what does that equate to in today’s world?
Once again, some sort of manual would be greatly appreciated. Ancestors, hear my plea, help me not to make a fool of me. (Mulan, for any uncultured swine who didn’t pick up on that reference).